You can finally enjoy your single malt in space while looking great

I don’t know about you, but the main thing stopping me from signing up for a mission to Mars wasn’t the one-way nature of the journey but the sheer deprivation of wasting the finest single malt by dribbling the stuff all over my already embarrassingly functional outfit and, no-doubt, causing widespread malfunction.

Sure, NASA is developing the capabilities needed to send humans to an asteroid by 2025 and Mars in the 2030s – as outlined in the NASA Authorization Act of 2010 and in the U.S. National Space Policy. And, sure, eternal number 2 Buzz Aldrin is working on a master plan for colonisation of Mars by 2039.

But the how of getting there and the how of setting up the colony are mere details. Boring!

Let’s get serious: what the hell are you going to drink on the way and exactly what are your outfits going to look like? I mean, the trip could take 8 months and then you’re there for, well, forever. So you better look good and feel great right?

Fortunately, the private sector has got serious, and stopped waiting around for state-funded programs that put function before form. In particular, there have been two key developments in the last month that mean I’m now pushing Mars One to bend the rules and get me the hell onto the program.

Problem One: Drinking whisky in space sucks
Ballantine have designed a whiskey glass for space so you can sip your single malt in zero-G

Problem Two: Space outfits suck
Björn Borg Spring/Summer 2016 show at Fashion Week in Stockholm was a tribute to Mars One’s human mission to Mars – and, let’s face it, we all know how well The Borg is aquainted with space.

That’s right – put all this together and just imagine what it adds up to! In my mind, it’s something like this: